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Friday, June 17, 2011

Feelings...Nothng but... Feelings... whoa...whoa...whoa...

Ok... Rant alert... no pictures to pretty up this post... just me talking about my "feelings"... (And Kudos to you if you get the song reference of the title... you are obviously as old as we are..haha).

Where to start... This surrogacy journey is so weird; you start off not knowing much about it, just wanting a baby.  Then, as you go, you learn more and more, meet more people involved, and learn from them.  I would be remiss if I didn't thank everyone (Family, Friends, Neighbors, etc) who have helped educate us on the ways of pregnancy, surrogacy, fatherhood, etc, etc... as we have progressed through our journey.  Our wonderful SurroMama and SurroDaddy (her husband) have definitely been giving us as much wisdom as we can soak up along the way, and we will always be indebted to them...

However... what not many people help you understand is that if successful through this process, you wind up creating life (or in our case, lives...), and those new lives are genetically related to you.   As Sid and I continue this journey, and get closer to the finish line (which rapidly becomes a starting line for a LONGER journey...), we are going through our lists of things to do.  This week we purchased the Nursery furniture - a big step forward.  Another big step is clearing out the room that will be the Nursery.  As we are doing this, its hitting me "we are actually making room for OUR children, who will live with us for years to come" (I know... you are thinking I'm a little slow on the uptake if I'm just realizing that, right?)... But seriously... WOW.... in a few months, we will be a household of 5 (6 with our Harry-Dog)... after being a household of two for the last fifteen years (yikes!?!).   Its mind boggeling...

But...what also comes with this realization is that our babies are 100's of miles away from us.  Of course, this is by design for several reasons... Firstly, Arizona - while beautiful - is WAY too red of a state to think of allowing surrogate births... second is that we love the idea of our children being born in California, like both Sid and I were (although, I'm from the REAL California...Northern CA - our ongoing joke). 

In a "traditional" pregnancy, if a Dad-to-Be was wanting some "belly time",  talking to the baby, or just waiting to feel a movement - there would be countless opportunities, from the time he woke up next to his wife, to the time they went to bed..... But for us, we have to cram that into visits where a whole lot else is usually going on... and feeling "shy" to touch someone elses belly... I mean, carrying our kids or not, we don't really feel comfortable just feeling Heidi up on our whim... (and I'm sure she appreciates that... lol).

I LOVE that Heidi & Family are growing and nuturing our kids, and I know that they are being cared for with the most love, caring, and compassion that anyone can give them - which means a lot;  but at the same time, I'm beginning to feel so connected to these little "beans" - even this far away - that it's hard to know there is so much geographic distance between us.

So... Dear, Dear, Dear babies A, B, and C.... know that your Daddy and Papa love you SOOO much, and we are working hard to get things ready for your arrival home someday soon!  Be good little babies, and stay safe right where you are for at LEAST 8-10 more weeks... because no matter how much we want to see, hold, and kiss you....your job now is to get as strong as possible before we meet.  Love always & Forever... Daddy & Papa  ( & Harry).....

Harry is waiting for some playmates!  


  1. What an amazing journey! Very inspiring!!!

  2. I was born in AZ *BUT* I am NOT red, live 1000s of miles away, and my kiddos were born in Hawaii, Illinois, & China. I did get my first degree in CA though! LOL!

    It will seem more and more real. Enjoy these last days of two-ness!

  3. Pregnancy is a surreal enough journey, however, you're right, the longer journey is raising your children. I have two girls who are now 17 and 20 and it's been a long, incredible journey that has gone by in a flash. I have tried to incorporate the wisdom I have garnered over the years, but have ended up mostly living day to day. Congratulations on your triplets!

  4. Just found your blog and I came across a familiar face... Heidi is an amazing woman and I am glad I can be a little support for her while she goes on a very similar journey I just completed this past September. You guys seem like a fabulous couple and I am excited to see how the rest of this pregnancy goes. Wish nothing but the best for you.

  5. I, too, just happened across your blog as I sat here, putting off going to bed, and thought, "Hmmm, Heidi's IPs are in AZ, I think..." She and I have been playing bunco together for years and I was so excited for her when she told me she was going to apply to be a surrogate! (I delivered a baby girl in 1/2009 and another baby girl in 3/2011.) Congratulations to you guys and I hope to get to meet you on one of your visits to CA!

  6. This is one post that didn't need any pretty-ing up with photos! beautifully written!

  7. Ah, we remember those feelings all too well...and this beaufiul post, only served to make those memories more vivid!

    You're going to be amazing fathers! (already are)